


Losing Your Memory

by ChloeLouise7



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Alzheimers, F/M, Memory Loss, Sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2019-01-26 05:54:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12550624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChloeLouise7/pseuds/ChloeLouise7
Summary: "Memory is all we are. Moments and feelings, captured in amber, strung on filaments of reason. Take a man’s memories and you take all of him. Chip away a memory at a time and you destroy him as surely as if you hammered nail after nail through his skull.” - Mark Lawrence, King of Thorns.





	Losing Your Memory

You knew what was wrong with you. You had six months for you to change. The team weren’t too pleased to have heard the news last, but you couldn’t give them your pain so fresh.

It was the little things that, particularly Spencer, the team started to notice after a little while. After three years of routine, these little changes (though so subtle that you wouldn’t notice yourself) made their way into your days at the bureau. You forgot that Derek had a workout with you at the gym every Wednesday evening without a case interfering. You started forgetting nights to go out drinking with the team after two weeks of arrangements. You had trouble remembering to lock your door in the mornings, and even with your phone reminding you… you still forgot.

_Call all your friends_   
_And tell them you're never coming back_

Spencer approached you, anger and something distraught in his eyes, startling you as he flunked into the spinning chair beside you at your desk. “Spence, what-“

“When were you going to tell me?” Your eyes widened. “About your Alzheimers.”

You paused, flabbergasted by his bluntness. “… I-I… I wasn’t…”

“Baby,” he took your hands in his, “I want the truth. Now. Please.”

Only two words made their way to your mind. “Six months.”

His face, by god… It was heartbreaking. The tears in his eyes welled quickly so they were misted almost immediately. “… That’s how long you have left, isn’t it?” All you could do was nod before you were swarmed into his arms, held tight as he sobbed into your shoulder – catching the attention of the team.

No one interrupted you two. But they all understood, only Spencer was brave enough (while also the most heartbroken) to say so.

_Where have you gone,_   
_The beach is so cold in winter here_

  
In the plain white cell-like room was a single bed with grey sheets and pillows, the old-fashioned frame rusted from years of oxidation. Your window was barred but the park outside was completely opposite to how you would wake up. Instead of imprisonment, it was freedom. The flowers dusted with frost and the grass damp and dull. The fog glazed over the field and the trees were almost black like ink on a painting. You wanted to go outside, but something told you that you knew you never would.

Strange people in scrubs and overalls would stop by, bringing trays of food and small white tablets for you to take with water. They told you your name, but you didn’t believe them. You didn’t even know your name. You didn’t remember having one.

 

 _Remember the day_  
Cause this is what dreams should always be  
I just want to stay  
I just want to keep this dream in me

 

Every morning, you would look under your pillow, like some routine you didn’t remember having. You would find a soft leather-bound book every time without fail. On the very first page, you would read a quote. You never understood it's significance until you thought to look beyond that page. There was a comfort about it, almost a familiarity.

**“Time it was  
**

**And what a time it was, it was  
A time of innocence  
A time of confidences**

**Long ago it must be  
I have a photograph  
Preserve your memories  
They're all that's left you”**

**\- Paul Simon**

The soft masculine writing made you feel warm regardless that you didn't know why. The eerily comforting swirl and loops of each word and their individual letters providing a sense of regularity; a pathway of love, in a way. But you never looked beyond it. You never tried, because of an unconscious fear that clouded your thoughts - almost a betrayal.

Today, you wondered different... And each photo was of you, with a man. You felt guilty for something you didn't even know about. And each day, although you forgot, brought you an emptiness before you fell asleep again.

Little did you know that someone, who loved you more than life, felt the same way. And he wore his gold band on his finger every day to remind himself that you were safe.


End file.
